Have you ever wondered why you all of a sudden find yourself infatuated with someone who you never before acknowledged? I remember the moments that led me to my relationship with Kalvin. The moments were not always spontaneous and magical. I was eighteen and filled with zeal when Kal caught my eye. I refused to have anything stand in my way of what God had intended for me. Unknown to me, my future was right in front of my life, waiting for me to take a leap into a pool of dense atmosphere.

When I see other young people say they love each other, I too smile like those who did so to Kal and I at our many dates before we married. Disclosure, the smiles and awes have yet to stop. He and I rarely have a time where we are not told we are adorable. It is much appreciated and well received, but it does not define who we are. It became apparent to become who I was supposed to be as a young woman when I began to let go of other people’s opinions on how I should live my life. For too long, the people I surrounded myself around were people who believed they knew best on how we were allowed to date as a young couple. A lot of those people had not even been in a relationship or a Godly one at that. It is important to know who you go to for a good counsel. I believe it is also beneficial to have friends who are dating as well. Those who have similar standards and goals are that much more appropriate for each other to stay encouraged on their journey. 

If you are reading this and have yet to find your love. I want to encourage you with my five steps of falling in love. His might sound like a checklist or a way for you to find love but really I am just letting you in on my process of realization.

1. The Let Down

When I first met Kalvin, I had this idea he was going to be as tall has another friend that I had. I had told our mutual friend at the time that this other friend was really tall and funny. She somehow omitted Kalvin’s height and really wanted me to meet him. When I met Kalvin it all became a blur because I was almost immediately lost interest in even introducing myself. 

2. Thank You Notes

About six or seven month after that moment. I had given Kalvin a book to borrow and a few weeks later he gave it back. He wrote on sticky notes how appreciative he was for borrowing the book and how he learned so much from it. I took the notes for whatever reason and stuck them to a school notebook for weeks it was the first thing I saw in each class. Somehow the more I saw the note the more I thought about him. I began to think of him as a sweet person. I did not realize my mind was changing until a classmate asked what I was smiling about when I was staring at my notebook and outlining the note that I stuck to the cover of my notebook. I tried to quickly snap out of it. 

3. Second Glance

A month after the notebook incident, I revisited Oral Roberts University as a high school visiting student. I knew Kalvin was visiting as well but he and I did not visit together. I had my friends and he was making his own. When I saw him there on campus, he had shaved his mustache that was a part of his look for years. I then did not see him as completely unattractive but still did not really have any interest in dating him. 

4. Pranks, Promposals, and Pledges 

This is the moment Kalvin and I have marked as our dating anniversary. On April fools day of 2012 I had the absolutely brilliant idea of having the one person everyone in my youth group wanted me to date to actually act like we had started seeing each other. That evening we announced it was all a joke and nothing was happening between us. No one believed us of course. Two days later Kalvin asked me to prom in this elaborate plan to hike and ask me at the top of Cowles mountain I front of my whole youth group. Knowing what happened a couple nights before, I thought and ask if this was a joke as well. It was not a joke. I then asked him to my prom through some scripture verses. [What a great idea, I know]. We then met with each other via skype to talk about dating. I told him I was not the type to just date. If we dated there was going to an end goal of eventually getting married. We both looked at each other awkwardly after that statement. I remember he said “okay” we smiled and moved on with our night. It did not mean I had to marry him. It just made my intentions of dating more focused for both of us.

5. The Pursuit 

Like I mentioned before, dating was never easy. We did not always go to people who were well suited advise us on how we were supposed to treat each other. This ultimately lead to a break from dating each other for a year. It was difficult but incredibly rewarding. We came together and immersed ourselves in doing ministry. While learning how to work as a team it became more apparent our goals individually were to become one invincibly. It took a couple of years after the break for our promise to come together but almost four months after our wedding. We are seeing the blessing and benefits of all our hard work. It does not stop at the wedding though. It is a daily process for the both of us to strive to become who we are meant to be together and as individuals. This is our pursuit. 

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