Three years ago I had a very passionate roommate. She studied theology with an emphasis on missions and outreach. She had a heart for victims of human-trafficking. I found her love for Jesus contagious. I began to seek God much more than I could have ever imagined. I want to believe I did the same for her. I see her now on social media, occasionally. I know she is doing what God has planned for her, like I am where I need to be in this season. I say where God wants me to be without a doubt, but my faith is not at any great length this week. In fact, you can say it is about the size of a mustard seed.
Have you seen the size of a mustard seed? Those seeds are pretty small. These past few week have had me running circles around doubt and fear. I made the mistake in allowing those who do not believe in Jesus Christ to influence my worldview. I began to believe that there was something to fear in this season of my life. It was my mistake but after a long and early morning, I found myself once again in front of this laptop with my fingers gliding across this keyboard in order to give you the gift I always wish to give to you, my reader. The gift of joy and warmth. This is where I wish to find you. I want you and me to have this meeting as often as you want to encounter my blog.
I love to dream. I love giving myself room to ponder endless possibilities of how any special event will go. It allows me to be creative. Sometime though, my thoughts and desires overwhelm me. Sometimes I find myself waking up on a day like any other day in anxiety and grief.
Today, I do not believe I am good enough to be writing to people with words of encouragement when I have yet to be encouraged. That is the truth in how I feel, but I know I am not dictated by my feelings. Well, after a long morning of tears and sobbing I realize that I cannot be moved by how I feel.
I have been surrounded by loved ones who have reminded me that everything will work out. I guess that is true. I know I have a loving husband. I know I have an encouraging family. I know I have friends out there who genuinely pray for me and check-in on me often. I know this because I love my husband dearly, I love my family, and I do my best to keep my friends in my prayers. Every once in a while, I find myself in a good conversation with a friend or two. I am reminded that I am loved and sometimes even then I do not believe I am, once again, good enough for my life. The greatest truth in this is that I am good enough. I am so loved. I am beautiful especially when I do not see it. I am smart even when I cannot think straight. I am enough.